Simple Things: Waking Up

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*Simple Things posts are a small idea I came up with to put words to small actions I do that I seem meaningless. I want to show the beauty of the simple things in life. Enjoy.*

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I wake up, feeling sluggish and disorientated, to the sound of my favorite song spilling from my phone. Using muscle memory, I put my phone on snooze by pressing the volume down button and turn over. My consciousness slips further into the world of sleep, for 8 minutes. Sure that is a weird number, but I am a strange person truthfully. After exactly 40 minutes of snoozing, I bring myself to wake mode. It is a slow and fulfilling process.

My bed is the width of your standard couch. My bed is a couch. My couch is made of leather and I have strategically tucked a blanket into the cushions as a makeshift mattress cover. This is what the exposed skin of my legs and arms brush against as I stretch out. My toes slide down the arm of the couch, making small squeaking sounds as they catch against the leather.

I perform a symphony composed of only the percussion of my popping joints as I stretch out. I’d like to believe it sounds like “The Entertainer”. Unladylike grunts turn into impure groans of ecstasy as my spinal cord brings forth the crescendo of the calcium sonata.

My left foot always touches the roughness of my rug first as I turn over on my stomach, pressing my face back into the pillow. My pillow smells like mangoes and the underlying scent of hair products, letting me know my hair did not dry much in my sleep as half the wetness is trapped in the cotton beneath my nose. I breathe in and out and my nose scrunches up against said pillow as the stench of the pork chop I guiltily devoured only hours before hits my nasal cavities.

My right foot joins its twin and I am now kneeling next to the couch, seemingly praying. Oh what a prayer I would give in the hope of more sleep. My face is now pressed into the “mattress” and without warning I shoot up in a lame attempt to wake myself. It’s lame but it works. I perform a series of scratches – stomach, back, face, left ass check – as I walk to the coffee pot. Yes, the coffee pot, not the bathroom. Sure my bladder probably looks like one of those cartoon renditions of a boiler about to blow, but coffee man. Coffee! Once the coffee pot is turned on, I run with the coordination of a half-sleep person to the bathroom, forgoing closing the door because I am alone. Morning to afternoon is my time in the house. As my bladder empties, my forehead is pressed against the cold porcelain of the sink that is entirely too close to the toilet. I reach my right hand back and grab my toothbrush and toothpaste, placing them on the side of the sink and further showing how small my bathroom space is. I finish my business, flush and wash my hands before I start the brushing process. I brush my teeth in the same way I’ve done for years: top front, bottom front, bottom back top, bottom back front and back, top back top, top back front and back, front back, bottom back, tongue, repeat 5 times. Then I sit on the floor and breath for 2 minutes. I breathe because sometimes you have to find the time to do so.

I enter the kitchen and I am happily assaulted by the smell of caffeine. I pour a cup, placing only one spoon of sugar, and place it to the side. As it cools, I fill the sink with water and soap. My morning routine is to wash the dishes from the night before. Sure we could wash them the night before, but old habits die hard. As the sink fills up, I go back to the living room and fold my blankets up and transform my bed back into a couch. Once finished, I walk back and turn off the water and wash up all 6 dishes and the huge pot that is usually in there. As the water runs out the sink when I’m done, I grab my coffee and a piece of bread – no not toast – and head back into the living room. I grab the remote and press 33, smiling when the sounds of The Amazing World of Gumball hit my ears. On the other end of the “jump” button, Supernatural reruns are ready to be watched. If you are pathetic like I am, you will now that it is around 10 AM. I take my first sip of coffee, still hot and bitter, and fall back on the couch, immersing myself into the world of a misunderstood blue cat and two brothers trying to rid the world of evil.