That Can’t Sleep Love


This weirdest feeling came over me this morning. It was 6:47 A.M. so I know I’d snoozed my alarm about 6 time. I groaned into my pillow at the thought of getting out the bed, regret filling me for staying up too late watching Netflix. Then it happened. I looked through blurry eyes over to my right and glanced at the face of my boyfriend, who was snoring away. My eyes moved from his closed eyes to his slightly parted lips. I took in how calmly his chest rose and fell and the way his snores were powerful yet soft. I took in how his hair brushed the top of his forehead, back and forth slowly in the gusts from the fan. I took in all this and, at damn near 7 A.M. in the morning, I once again realized I loved this man. 

Sure we’ve both established that we love each other but this was different. This was stronger. This literally filled my entire being and took my breath away. This was fucking terrifying. In those short moments, I realized this man meant so much to me. I’ve had so many sappy moments in my head all last month, each one fighting its way out of my brain and trying to escape through my words. I wanted to say so many disgustingly cute things to him but my breath would always catch and my words would die in my throat. Today I’ve decided that I’m going to stop that and say what I need to say. 

Right now I am at work and I’ve never been more distracted in my life. I keep thinking about little things and I’ve had this big, stupid grin on my face. It’s so dumb but so amazing at the same time. I’ve never felt this way before  and I never want to lose this feeling. Everyone should feel this way, always. 

I’ve always thought I know what love was growing up but I realize now that I was only creating a fantasy love that wasn’t there in any of my past relationships. Not to be mean, but they were insignificant but needed at the same time. I learned so much, and though I was hurt, it was necessary. They prepared me for what I have now. 

So to conclude my little mush fest of a post, I’d like to finally get a few things off my chest on what I love. It’s only here for me to finally get the courage to say these things:

  1. I love that you let me be myself.
  2. I love that you accept my good and my bad
  3. I love that you bring me into your world, whether it’s through music, movies or food
  4. I love that you take my feelings into account on everything 
  5. I love that you don’t shame me for how much I eat or what I wear
  6. I love that you took the initiative to get to know my family and in return let me bond with yours 
  7. I love that you have made me love my body more in the last 6 months than I have in the last 25 years of my life 
  8. I love that you call me beautiful when no other man had 
  9. I love that you look at me like I’m the best thing ever when you open your eyes in the morning 
  10. I love that you have restored my faith in what a father should be just by loving your sons unconditionally.
  11. Finally, I love that you are you. No more, no less. 

Once again, I think everyone should feel this way. Its disgusting. Its sappy. Yet it’s the best feeling you can ever feel.