What do you do when you did everything right, but things still didn’t work out. Well a normal person would ask themselves why over and over again (I did that for a day). An abnormal person would just say “fuck it” and keep going. This is where I’m at now. Yet, even though the “W” and “H” are fading away, the “Y” is still there. Seriously, Y?
Each kiss was full of feeling. They were slow and sensual, burning a path through my body. Your arms pulling me close and holding me tight. They were hard and full of passion with your hands holding my face and body flat against mine. They were in public, in private, in a truck, in bed, in front of friends and for the first time on my couch with my favorite movie playing in the background. Now they are nothing but memories.
Your hands paved roads that stopped short of my heart, which I am thankful for. Each nerve in my body came alive at your touch. Your hand flat against my back caused a tremble to flow through me. Your hand gliding into mine as you pulled me closer to your side was feeling so intimate it didn’t seem real. My palm still feels every shape you drew with your fingertips.
Each word you spoke still resonates through my memory. Though I could only comprehend so much of what I took in, I still remember enough. At times I would stop listening entirely, though not being rude. My eyes would just be so captivated in your eyes and face as it came alive with what you were explaining. Your hands moving all over as you dove deeper into your words. It was exciting to watch.
When it comes down to it, part of me wants to know what went wrong. How is it that I felt something but you didn’t. No I don’t blame you for your feelings, I just dislike how one-sided it became. I doubt either of us did anything wrong, but I will still find something wrong as I am emotional creature.
At the end of it all, I’d have to say I am almost at peace. Hell, I’m writing this so that I can get it out of my head and be further in peace. This all still doesn’t seem real at all. One minute we’re chatting like normal people and next thing I know, we’re broken up. I was in such a shock, I never got to say what I wanted to say. All the words I wanted to say to you are still here. All my thoughts and concerns are still in my head. All of this was shoved back into me like a stake through the heart when “Goodbye” popped up on my screen.
I’ll probably never see you again, and I guess that’s okay. My thoughts still float to you randonly, but my head will be cleared soon. I still find a tear or two sliding from my lids, but soon my eyes will have dried. My chest tightens slightly at anything that reminds me of you, but the small tinge of pain will have gone away eventually and all will be right with the world. Hey, at least I have nothing but happy memories. That was the best thing I’ve even been given and I thank you for that.