Just A Little Bit At A Time

It’s has been 4 months since I’ve accidentally changed some of my bad habits. The biggest habit I kicked to the curb was the way I ate and what I ate. I didn’t stop eating bad altogether but I replaced a lot of the bad with better food. I didn’t believe people at first when they mentioned that I was getting smaller but I noticed it about a month ago. It came so suddenly and its left me confused. How does one feel when they get smaller. Sure I’m happy but I’m also conflicted. It’s like I’m looking at a whole new me. 

The picture below is from exactly one week ago and when I took it, I just stared at the picture in awe. For once, I was actually pretty happy with what I saw. It wasn’t even with me getting smaller. It was the pure confidence I exuded from that photo. The pout, the pose, yes lawd. I felt everything from my one selfie. 

It’s been a week later and I still feel like I’m walking on air. That was the first time I’d ever worn a bikini in front of others and been truly comfortable. Even when I was young and way smaller, I never felt right in my skin when I wore one. I love how time changes things.

I still don’t believe in the change in my body sometimes and I have to sometimes remind my self with pictures. It may seem conceited of me but they’re not for others. They’re truly for me to prove to myself that I did change. 

The change wasn’t all physical. It was also emotional and spiritual. I actually feel better about life. Not saying was depressed before, but I definitely wasn’t completely happy either. Each morning I wake up, I actually smile and its so cliche. I actually feel excited to put on cute clothes and wear the bare minimum (not saying I couldn’t before). I can walk around in my underwear and feel like the queen of the world. Even naked, I feel so empowered. I can’t help but stare at my body every chance I get (I advice everyone to do this every once in a while). I just feel amazing, all day, every day. 

I have goal in mind for my body. I’m not losing any weight just to shed pounds for anyone. I’m actually dropping the pounds to find that girl I once was over a decade ago. I want to fully gaze upon her and try to figure out how I never saw her before. What was obscuring my vision so badly that I refused to believe she existed. All I can say is that I’m coming for her and she better be ready when I knock down that door.