I’m Free (Heaven Helps the [Wo]Man)


Today was a lazy day for me. In the time between me waking and going to work, I laid in bed with the curtains closed as I dozed in and out of the living world. This was actually a good time. Have you ever truly thought when your brain wasn’t purely there. I have, and it feels amazing. Your mind is floating around in a state of bliss and its clear. It was during this time that I began to think about my future. Oh, my future.

It is now 2015. The year of the dreaded “new year, new me” and “page [blank] of 365”. Honestly, it is the new year and I feel exactly the same, which I like. I am the same girl I was last year, the year before that and so on. The same Shay. The only thing that has changed now is my thoughts. Where I use to dream big, I now dream real. Now I have NOT given up on the dreams I’ve had for ages. That would be a crime in my book. All I’ve done is put these dreams to the back burner for a while. My mind is now on the real things I need to focus on, which includes graduating, a job after college, and a place to stay.


Dear Lord, I literally have less than 4 months until I cross that stage and officially finish my education journey. This is a really frightening thing, but I am so pumped for it. I only have a few more classes and then I’m done. I really can’t wait for January 21st to get here so I can officially start my last semester at Nicholls State University. Hell, I can’t wait for January 16th to get here so I can go to Grad Day. That’s when it’ll start to really feel real. My main objective is to make it to May 16th without losing my mind.

Work & A Place to Call Home

I have worked as a camp counselor and as a staff assistant but once I graduate I will be thrust into the real world with no job. I will have connections and help but that will only get you so far. I will need to help myself and find a stable job. I’m not about to leave school thinking that I will immediately be given a job in my field of study because I have more sense than that and many friends who have experienced this issue. I will be alright with the jobs I get. Money is money and in this society, more is everything sometimes. I will especially need this income if I am going to live away from home. The one thing I don’t want to do is go back home. It’s not because I don’t love my family or that I’m ungrateful. I understand that I have something to go to, but it’s not enough. If I want to make it on my own and be successful, I will have to leave some things at home. I am too old to be sharing a room with another grown person (my brother) and I don’t think the couch at my dad’s house will be enough anymore. I need some place for me that feels right (and is affordable).

Although this is a lot, I will keep one thing in my heart: faith. I have faith that everything will work out, maybe not the way I want them to, but the way they should. All in all, things will be good. [insert smiley face haha]


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